Cunnilingus is a beautiful thing. Whether you are 18 or 80, The attention and skill required to perform proper cunnilingus- an act Marvin Gaye referred to as giving the ultimate love- will leave you and your lady closer and her far happier.
~Part One: Preparation~
Focus your intention:
Strong moods are infectious. This is why dominant personalities change the tone of a room or take charge by presence and confidence. The same is true in the bedroom. If you enjoy giving oral pleasure, then bravo! Setting the tone won’t be an issue. But if you have reservations or feel uncomfortable going downtown, she will not be comfortable and little else ruins the mood faster. Few things are more gratifying or attractive for her than feeling attractive to you. Women are perceptive. If you fidget, ask if she is coming, get impatient or groan from boredom this transfers to your lady and she will feel rushed and burdensome and will not enjoy herself. From there, it won’t matter how many gymnastics you can perform with your tongue, she’s not going to climax. Remember, be patient and understand women take a little longer than men…sometimes much longer.
Now stop thinking so much:
Clever lovers make stupid decisions. Be creative but not for the glory of being creative. That’s where 90% of embarrassing stories start. Instead, pay attention and improvise when determining how to proceed. If her breath becomes deeper or more erratic you are probably doing something right and should keep doing it. But don’t rely on tricks or gimmicks.
Growing up in Texas, my father took me to the rodeo. Among the livestock exhibitions was a tic tac toe playing rooster who pecked out in a conditioned formula what he needed to win and garner a treat. Since he went first and set the pace of the game, at best I could hope for a tie-if I played perfectly. in short order this grew tiresome. But when I tried something completely out of his training, no matter how irrational, the rooster often lost. He had no means to improvise for anything out of the ordinary.
The bedroom is no different. Don’t have a preconceived game plan or rely on tricks and signature moves to get her off. This might work at first or even some of the time. But every woman is different from day to day. Eventually she may get bored and want something new. And while a light touch may turn one woman into a quivering mess, another might want to grind like a love savage against your face. However it is not your place to judge. Harsh judgments are more often your own insecurities. It is far better to adapt, move forward and enjoy.
~Part Two: Substance and Technique~
In grade school you learned not to point and the same is true of the tongue. The clitoris has over 8500 nerve endings and a hard pointed tongue can piss off every one of them. Keep your tongue flat, moist and loose (think of an oil brush). Save the pointed end for exploring uncharted regions along the labia majora, mons pubis, thighs, or if you are gifted enough, the vagina itself. Start soft and gentle. If she wants you more aggressive, she’ll let you know.
A gentle kiss or suck against her labia or clitoris is a great way to get things started or break monotony. Some ladies also find a light humming or soft vibration above her clitoris to be world changing.
Don’t forget you have them. Good oral pleasure is more than mouth and tongue. Once she is wet you can gently insert a finger or two. Now inside you can gauge her reaction if she wants you to massage or stroke her g-spot. Many women however are perfectly content with just having a part of you inside her without movement. Also keep in mind the Clitoris is sheathed behind a hood. Each woman’s hood will vary in thickness and the amount of her clitoris it covers. A thicker hood may require pulling back to achieve more stimulation. Some women might find this direct contact too intense or uncomfortable. Pay attention to her breathing and how she reacts in contrast to what you did before. If however, she enjoys this, be sure to touch her gently at first with the flat of your tongue and massage in a slow rhythmic motion. According to reflexologists, the clitoris is connected to the aureoles and the soles of the feet, especially the big toe. If you are flexible and can multitask, massaging these areas while stimulating her clitoris can be magical.
Your greatest tool-use it!
The clitoris is the center of the storm, but take your time and enjoy the breeze. Use hands, tongue, chin, her favorite vibrator, whatever seems to be working in the moment. Explore and massage a path to your final destination. Unless your lady has an internal system that allows willful and spontaneous orgasm, take your time and work slow to the clitoris. Kiss, nuzzle, tease and torture her with anticipation. She will love you for it. You might give a foot rub, or kiss a path from her neck to her waist. The point is to try new things and be mindful of how she responds. When she is relaxed and ready and bristling with excitement that’s when you head in. Women like a man with self mastery. Taking her at an easy savoring pace denotes confidence and poise and she will more likely respect your abilities. Plus, it’s just damn sexy. The downside to this is waiting too long. With practice and close attention you will get the balance right.
This is why so many good dancers are also great lovers. In any kind of sexual congress a consistent rhythm is essential. If you want her to climax you must find that rhythm and keep it. You can try different variations at first to discover what she enjoys or just have a little fun. But once you find the right rhythm and motion and amount of pressure she responds to, do not change it. Each change, starts her climb up the mountain all over. She will get bored and irritated leaving you both frustrated. If necessary, play music with consistent beat. One of my favorites is Caesaria Evora. Latin Rhythms + Soulful voice = Making Babies.
As a general rule it is better to be too gentle than too rough. Start of with a light glaze of the tongue and over time add more pressure. Pay attention to her response and you will find the right setting. Most women want a light touch. Some ladies want a tongue wedged firmly against their clitoris. Others like you to surprise them. Experiment. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to take a chance.
Additional Points to Consider:
~Make sure she is warm. if necessary, cover her up, turn off the A/C, and for the love of all things holy don’t get clever and rub ice directly on her unprotected vagina.
~If you have time to prepare, drink plenty of water and load up on potassium hours before to avoid cramps and dry mouth. Better yet, encourage her to drink water to help with lubrication. This is another reason why sex and alcohol are not complimentary. Alcohol dehydrates the body and minimizes vaginal lubrication and saliva production making oral sex as well as vaginal penetration more difficult.
~Keep your nails trimmed and hands clean. If you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it near her vagina.
~Never attempt cunnilingus after eating or handling spicy peppers. I have a habanero chili story that would make anyone cover their privates.
~Go bearded or clean shaven, not in between. Spiky stubble against her holiest of holy can be excruciating.
~Don’t pressure her if she’s not interested. She may be queasy from eating one too many burritos or not feel clean because she hasn’t had time to shower. This has nothing to do with you. If she declines, simply remind her that you are willing to try again when you are both ready.
~Suggesting a shower together is great way to make you both comfortable.
“Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.”-Anais Nin